Taking Back My Summer

Noteworthy progress. In my last post, I described my failure to protect summer vacation/personal time in favor of a long list of commitments. Although most of these commitments are productive and/or enjoyable, their combined requirements do not leave a great deal of time for much-needed relaxation and not working. I'm happy to report that the tide has turned somewhat, just before the next wave of the workload hits. How did this happen, and how can I maintain balance for the remainder of the summer?

Blogging (and otherwise disclosing) helps. Once I acknowledged that I had only myself to blame for my increasing (rather than decreasing) stress, I stepped back and looked at the calendar. I took stock of what I had accomplished to that point in the summer, and how much time was left to work on the rest. I felt relief from realizing that the balance looked much better than I expected. I also asked myself what really needs to be finished this summer, by when, and whether these goals are realistic; what will I lose if I fall behind on X? Finally, I looked ahead to the 2015-2016 academic year and accepted that I cannot take on any additional commitments until next summer. And I started saying no in advance.

Travel helps. My reality-testing process received the assistance of two recent road trips. One was a four-day, combined work/leisure trip. This split left me able to feel good about getting some work done with collaborators in addition to not working and catching up with graduate school friends. Importantly, I made the 2.5-hour commutes alone, so I had time to myself to think and space out as needed. I came back tired from a strange sleep schedule, but more relaxed than I have been in a while. 

Downtown Ludlow

The second trip was more hectic: PA --> VT --> MA --> PA in four days, celebrating a wedding and an engagement. The wedding was lovely and afforded several unique opportunities. I'm not a country girl, and getting away to rural VT was a new experience. Actual country stores that are not operated by Cracker Barrel? I just wish I'd had more time to explore; I was there for less than 24 hours and it rained most of the time. But I also got to reconnect with more graduate school friends, which always leaves me feeling grounded. Then on to MA. As I'm the matron of honor* for the engaged couple (wedding in August of 2016), and as I live several states away from the action, I made an effort to fulfill some role expectations during the trip. As far as I can tell, it worked out well for everyone!

Our resort in Ludlow, VT

During this four-day excursion, I did not work. I checked email only sporadically. I responded only to urgent messages. Very unusual for me. But very healthy. And nothing went wrong without my replies. 

This is your life moment of the week. I returned to work today feeling less stressed than I have in a while, and I was able to complete tasks such as cleaning out my email inbox and writing this post. I also met with our Office of Sponsored Programs about a grant and upgraded another short trip I'm about to take. And I'll end the workday with an exercise class that makes me feel great. This is more like the summer I had planned.

*Matron? Really? Sounds so old....

First Summer as Faculty: Planning Gone Wrong

Failure. I've written a lot about success this year. It's time for a confession about failure.

As a new faculty member, I've had a great year. I've been incredibly fortunate and more productive than expected. But for me, the downside of fortune and productivity is that it feeds on itself, adding fuel to a motivational fire that was humming along already. In the current academic climate (i.e., the intense need for productivity in order to receive promotion and tenure), isn't motivation a positive? Sure. But there is a point of diminishing returns.

Continuing to present and publish while teaching three courses, running a large lab of undergraduates, and volunteering for service work is rewarding, but it's a lot to track at any given time. (Sub any combination of teaching/research/service here. It's a lot.) Because I'm already not so good at achieving work-life balance, I started my summer planning early. I promised myself that I would take it easy this summer. Work on a few projects at a leisurely pace, TAKE A REAL VACATION, and eventually prep for fall. Sleep in. Work from home a lot. And just relax in general. The thought of having a summer like this kept me going through the gray, hectic days of Spring semester. 

Then it started. In January, I saw an NIH Request for Proposals that fit a planned project, and decided to shoot for an October submission. (My first as PI. Reasonable.) I need pilot data for the proposal, and I had planned to run a "small" study in the Spring that would support the application. Then I realized - quite at the last minute - that my institution offers competitive "grants" (stipends) for summer research. So I pulled together an application in March. I also applied for an NIH training program, which required two written applications and a phone interview between January and March. 

Because I don't have graduate students or a research coordinator, the small pilot study took a considerable amount of my time. The opportunity arose for a second (very small) pilot, currently underway. Students requested RA work for the summer. I got the summer grant and got into the training program. And I'm traveling for two weddings.

Each of these experiences has paid off, but has appropriated a chunk of the summer:

• Pilot study - finish data collection June 6th
• Summer Grant responsibilities - analyze pilot data and draft a paper by the end of June, travel to State College and Philadelphia to meet with collaborators (June/July)
• NIH training - in Brooklyn from July 18th to August 1st 
• Student RA supervision - ongoing

And August? Make major progress on the grant application, revise one course, and complete a brand new prep. Classes start the 24th.

How did this happen? This isn't some sort of humblebrag about what a great workaholic I am. I'm frustrated and disappointed with myself. I had PLANNED to take a break, and I'm only now realizing how much I need it. I dread the idea of starting Fall semester without one, as I can see myself burnt out by the third week. I'm on track for major failure.

My face these days.

What are my options? I've come up with: (1) continue to push through while frustrated, with sounds like a recipe for disaster, (2) take a long vacation in August and sacrifice some prep time, (3) work in smaller breaks that maximize work and rest, and (4) give up, and waste the great opportunities I have.* Right now, I'm leaning toward #3, though I haven't figured out quite how to do it. 

For example, I took a long lunch break yesterday (90 minutes) to socialize with colleagues. It was great, but I got back to my office feeling acutely stressed about work. That seems backward. I went for a run, took the evening off, and got some extra sleep. I still feel stressed today, but I've made some progress, and I can see a way forward. The way includes booking next year's summer vacation now, so that I don't have any excuses. And I'm working from home on Friday :)

*What other options do you see, and how have you managed summer overcommitment? Leave your thoughts in the comments!

#NewFaculty: First Year Review (Part 2)

Relief. Spring semester is now officially over, which means that I have even more time and head space to reflect on the first year. As I described in previous posts and Part 1 of this series, it seems that new faculty make one of the following major mistakes:

1. They are unaware of the immense amount of junior faculty-specific information and advice available (see here for a great collection), or
2. They take the trouble to familiarize themselves with this advice, and then they ignore it. For example, never saying "no" to service requests and keeping their doors open all the time, which leave little time for actual work.

Don't get me wrong - I understand the impulse to please new (and powerful) colleagues and to be perceived as a team player. But you simply cannot be productive if you say "yes" to every request. My technique is to ask myself the following:

• Is this an activity I think is important, and/or that I would enjoy?
• What is the actual time commitment? (ASK ASK ASK)
• Do I absolutely need to do this NOW, or can it wait?

The last is critical. My institution has many mechanisms for supporting faculty development, including internal grants, special programs, and service positions for untenured faculty. But my sense is that both my department and our rank and tenure committee want to see progress. If I do everything in my first year or two - especially the opportunities for which new (vs. returning) applicants are favored - what am I going to do after that? So I focus on pacing myself, and on declining some requests as graciously as possible.

What went well? I think that I successfully protected my time (without angering anyone too much) this year. The evidence is in the positive feedback I received and the concrete output I produced. These include:

• Mostly positive teaching evaluations (and useful specific recommendations),*
• An active research lab with many involved undergraduates,
• Acceptance to a competitive and prestigious training institute for junior faculty (paid for by the National Institutes of Health),
• Awards of a Teaching Enhancement Grant (to create a new course) and a Faculty Summer Research Grant (to write papers and a grant; both internal),
• Publication of six empirical articles** (with five more, and two book chapters, in press),
• Attendance at four conferences** (presented one talk and 12 posters, two with current students),
• Data collection completed for two studies (a third approved to begin), and
• Reappointment for a second year.

Though the best evidence may be the limited amount of overwhelming stress I felt this year. There were a few rough periods throughout, but nothing like the previous two years. 

What didn't go so well? This is a fantastic first year, and I'm immensely grateful. But there were some meaningful failures to learn from. Of course I got rejected from several sources: at least three paper rejections (one that I was particularly disappointed about and one that outraged me***), as well as a rejection on an internal fellowship for a student RA. Rejections are always difficult, but I'm more resilient than I used to be. Asking for feedback and carefully considering reviewers' comments are on my agenda.

With respect to teaching, I was a slightly different person in the classroom second semester (vs. first). I tried new techniques and relied more consistently on undergraduate TAs, which made me a bit less confident than I had been previously (when I used only me, and methods I knew to be effective for me). I also created a course in my topic area and went out of my way to make it advanced, different, and fun. Imagine my disappointment when this failed to be the case, pretty consistently.**** Of many reasons for this disconnect, I believe that one was prepping on the go; I spent more time on this course than on the others (which were repeats of first semester), but not as much as I could have. Although course evaluations were much better than I expected, the experience of the class was frustrating. Lots to tweak for next Spring.

And though I've yet to see any evidence of this, there is always the possibility that I chose poorly with respect to service commitments. I've become involved with our union in small ways, which makes me (slightly) visible during difficult contract negotiations; this could come back to bite me if the atmosphere worsens. But I like this work, so I'll stick with it.

This is your life moment of the week: I did it! I navigated the first year and got some work done. Pretty great accomplishment, for me and anyone else in the same boat. Kudos if that's you.

Now it's time to make my Summer Plan.****

*I have a 3/3 load.

**Several of these were with my postdoctoral mentors and lab, which carried over.

***Ever get a reviewer who is obviously unfamiliar with even the basics of your field, and rejects you on this basis?

****Look for posts on these, soon to come!